THE FIRST DRINK
THE FIRST DRINK In the first step of SA, I admitted that I am powerless…
A Personal Point of View
It’s hard to explain, but here’s what lust represents in my life. He is a tyrant who wants to control sex for his own benefit, in his own way and at the time he wants. It is a mental-spiritual noise that distorts or perverts sex, in the same way that a hoarse radio interference spoils the hearing of a pleasant melody.
Lust is not sex and is not physical. It is a screen of self-condescending fantasy that separates me from reality; or of the reality of my person in the sexual act with myself or with the reality of my spouse. It works the same way whether it’s the girlfriend, a prostitute or my wife. In this way he denies personal identity, mine or the other person’s, and goes against reality, against my own reality, goes against me.
I find it impossible to enjoy an authentic union with my wife insofar as lust is alive, because she as a person does not count; it is even a hindrance; It is a mere sexual object. True unity with myself is impossible if I split in two to have a sexual act with myself. The fantastic partner that I created in my mind, in reality, is part of me! With lust the sexual act does not result from personal union; sex does not flow from the union. Sex activated by lust makes true union impossible.
The nature of the noise interference lust that I superimpose on sex can consist of different things; memories, fantasies that go from the erotic to those that reverberate venganza or even violence. Or it can be the mental image of a fetish or another person. In light of all this, lust can exist outside of sex. In fact, there are people who claim that they are obsessed with sex and that they can not have sex. I consider lust a force that invades and perverts other instincts; the food, the drink, the work, the anger … I recognize that I have an almost lustful tendency to resentment, and that it is as strong as lust has been in its best moments.
In my case, lust is not physical; It is not even a more powerful sexual desire. It is a spiritual force that perverts my instincts; and when I abandon myself in one area, it tries to infect others as well. Since lust is asexual, it crosses all barriers, including gender barriers. When you lighten them, my fantasies or activities can be triggered in any direction, modeled by what I experience. Therefore, the more I give myself to lust, the less sexual I become. So my basic problem as a sex addict in the process of recovery is to live free from lust. When I tolerate it in any of its forms, sooner or later it tries to manifest itself in the others. In this way, lust becomes, not only the exponent of what I do, but of what I am. But there are plenty of reasons for hope. By renouncing lust and its manifestations whenever it tempts me, and by experiencing the liberating release of life, of divine origin recovery and healing take place and integrity is restored – first the true unity within myself and then the union with the others and with the Source of my life —.
Lust is …
Not knowing how to say no
Constantly find yourself in dangerous situations
Turn your head thirsty for sex at every step
Feeling attracted exclusively to beauty
The erotic fantasies
The use of erotic objects
Addiction to the couple as if it were a drug
Losing the identity by merging with the couple
The obsession with the romantic – the search for the “magic effect” –
The desire to excite the other person
Other Quotes from the White Book:
Copyright © 1989-2008 SA Literature
Reprinted with permission of SA Literatureric