Release From Fear

Step Four [… ] gave us a tool to use on our resentment, fear, and shame before they triggered lust (Step into Action 57).

Healing from childhood fears is difficult. I cowered when my mother would rage and blame my brother and me. As I grew older, I found myself paralyzed by fear when confronted by angry people. I always thought “it” was my fault, that I should bear the shame of causing “it”, and that my job was to fix “it”. To escape this pressure, I turned to lustful thoughts and behavior. Eventually, lust turned on me, causing more problems. I found I could not stop lusting. Full of fear, I came to SA.

This Twelve Step program changed my life. Through attending SA meetings and making contact with my Higher Power, I quit acting out. My sponsor helped me work the Steps. When ‘I inventoried my fear of others’ anger in Step Four and surrendered it in Steps Five and Six, I felt free from the burden of managing the anger of others. I learned I could detach from their emotions—let go of the illusion that I can change their feelings—and remember that I am not responsible for their feelings. If I take my inventory and see I have played a part in their anger, then I make my amends at once. The program helps me to maintain boundaries and let others manage their feelings while I attend to mine.

Thank you, God, for releasing me from fears that lay behind my lustful behavior.