I’d known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round, but I had no idea how to do it (AA 506).
In my childhood, I enjoyed riding the merry-go-round. It spun on an even plane, did not take me through peaks and valleys, and did no freeze me at the apex of its height.
One night I dreamed that the otherwise tranquil merry-go-round went into an uncontrolled spin. People jumped or were flung off as it whirled. In my indecision, it was too late to do anything but hang onto my fake horse. I awoke suddenly, relieved it was only a dream.
My lust-driven life was a real out-of-control merry-go-round. A in my nightmare, my lustful indulgence ceased to be merry, and the whirl of my life became unmanageable. I feared I would die if I let go of the fake horse that had thrilled me these many years. I believe the lie that I could not let go and jump off. When I realized I was powerless to do anything, I prayed for God’s help.
Like so many, I stumbled dizzily off my merry-go-round of the addiction onto the solid ground of SA. At first as the Program slowed my spinning head, I could barely stand, but in time the dizziness eased. It is ironic, but true, that after I came into 12 Step recovery I was told to hang on, that I was going for a ride. This time the ride is not the cycle of addiction, but on the beautiful, if bumpy, road of Happy Destiny.
Thank You God, for saving me from that ride and getting my head not to spin; the new ride, through scary at times, is taking me to better place!